A Step-by-Step Guide for Women Over 40
Making new friends after 40 can feel about as easy as finding jeans that fit just right. (Seriously, why is that so hard?) If you’ve ever thought, I wish I had more close friends, but where do I even start? — you’re not alone.
Let’s be real—making friends in midlife isn’t as effortless as it used to be. Gone are the days of bonding over juice box spills at the playground or casual chats in the school pickup line. But here’s the thing—you can make new friends as an older woman. It just takes a little intention, a little bravery, and maybe a little pickleball. (More on that later.)
Why Making Friends as an Adult Feels So Dang Hard
Ever feel like making new friends as an adult is way harder than it used to be? You’re not wrong. Here’s why:
You’re not naturally meeting up anymore. Back in the day, friendships happened on repeat—school pickup lines, PTA meetings, sports sidelines. Now? Those built-in social moments are gone, so making new connections takes more effort. And the friendship experts, yes that’s a thing, tell us proximity and repeated exposure is the secret sauce to friendship formation.
Your circle has shrunk. Life changes—kids grow up, careers shift, people move. That once-solid mom group or work crew? Not as tight as it used to be.
Fewer easy opportunities. Making friends as an adult is harder without those everyday run-ins, we have to actively seek out friendships instead of just stumbling into them. It’s about being intentional and prioritizing friendship.
Fear of rejection. Let’s be honest—putting yourself out there is nerve-wracking. But here’s the thing: most women also want more friends, and they’re just waiting for someone (like you!) to make the first move. Be open and honest, how would you react if someone said to you, “I’m bored. Kind of lonely. I need a new friend and I think you’d be a lot of fun – would you like to grab brunch this weekend?” What would your response be?
Different priorities. Between work, family, and self-care, socializing can end up dead last on the to-do list.
Moving or starting over. A fresh start sounds great—until you realize you have to build a whole new social circle from scratch.
Feel familiar? Let’s move on to what you can do about it. (Hint: A lot.)
Why Friendships in Midlife Are the Ultimate Life Hack
Sure, having a coffee buddy is great, but friendship in midlife is about way more than lattes and chit-chat. Good friends lower stress, boost confidence, and can literally help you live longer (science says so!). They bring adventure, spontaneity, and someone to text “Wanna go?” when you get a wild idea. And when life throws its inevitable curveballs? The right friends help you handle it—sometimes with wisdom, sometimes with margaritas. Bottom line: friendship isn’t just nice to have, it’s essential for a thriving, joyful, badass life.
Step-by-Step Guide to Making New Friends After 40
Step 1: Identify the Friendships You Want
Not all friendships are the same, and not all friendships need to be deep soul-bonding relationships. Do you want:
- A casual social circle for fun activities? (Think: women’s social group, book clubs, or travel buddies.)
- A tight-knit inner circle of women who get you?
- An adventure crew for hiking, pickleball, or road trips?
- A professional network of like-minded women in your industry?
Knowing what you’re looking for makes it easier to find the right people and organize the activities around what your friendship goals are.
Step 2: Get Out of Your Comfort Zone
You can’t make new friends sitting on your couch watching Netflix. (I know. I checked.) Here’s what helps:
- Say yes more often. If someone invites you somewhere—go. Even if it’s a little outside your comfort zone.
- Challenge negative self-talk. If you’re thinking, I’m too old for this, I’m too awkward, or What if they don’t like me?—shut that down. You are worthy of great friendships.
- Be open to different types of people. Your new best friend might not look like the ones from your past.
- Start small. Even a quick conversation at a coffee shop can lead to something more.
- Put yourself in new environments. Try new places, events, or hobbies.
Step 3: Find Places to Meet Like-Minded Women
Alright, so where do you meet women who are also looking to build friendships?
Join an interest-based group. Whether it’s hiking, pottery, a women’s social group, or even a whiskey-tasting club—common interests make bonding easier.
Attend meetups & community events. Check Meetup.com, Facebook Groups, or local events for gatherings in your area.
Take a class or workshop. Dance lessons, photography, cooking—learning something new is a great way to connect.
Give friendship apps a try. Yes, they exist! Friendship apps like Bumble BFF, Peanut, and Friender are designed for women looking to make new friends as an older woman. Read the blog post “ “
Volunteer: Do Good, Make Friends, Have Fun
Every time I walk into the Assistance League thrift store in Boise, I’m hit with the best kind of welcome—laughter, chatter, and the happy hum of women who clearly love being there. It’s less like a thrift shop and more like a social club that just happens to be doing some good in the world.
The vibe is fun because these women aren’t just volunteering—they’re connecting, swapping stories, and probably getting first dibs on the best thrift finds. And honestly? That sense of community is what makes it so special. I’ve got a friend in her 80s who lives for her volunteer shifts. She counts down the days because it gives her purpose, keeps her engaged, and most importantly, surrounds her with great people.
If you’re looking to make new friends and feel good about how you spend your time, volunteering is the ultimate two-for-one deal. Find a cause that speaks to you, show up, and let the friendships happen naturally.
Not sure where to find a volunteer opportunity that fits you? Start with VolunteerMatch.org—it’s like a matchmaking service for doing good. Want to take it up a notch and make an impact beyond your hometown? Check out “Best Volunteer Programs Abroad for Older Adults“ and find out how you can turn your next adventure into something meaningful.
Step 4: Master the Art of Connection
Be Like Annie—The Ultimate Friend Finder
Who’s Annie? Oh, she’s the kind of woman you want in your circle. Annie walks into a room with her friend finder radar on high alert mode. No hesitation, no awkward standing-around energy—she’s scanning the space like she’s on a mission.
I met Annie in an art class. From the second she walked in, she was looking for something. At first, I thought maybe she lost a paintbrush or was trying to figure out where the best lighting was. But after watching her for a few minutes, my curiosity got the best of me.
“What are you looking for?” I asked, fully expecting her to say she forgot a supply or needed help finding a seat.
She turned to me with zero hesitation and said, “I’m looking for a new friend.”
Boom. Just like that. No fear, no embarrassment—just straight-up intention.
And guess what? She found one. Because when you decide to look for connection, you find it. Annie didn’t wait for friendships to magically happen. She didn’t sit back, hoping someone would talk to her first. She owned her desire for connection and put herself out there.
So, be like Annie. Walk into rooms like there’s a friendship goldmine waiting to be discovered—because there is. You just have to be willing to look.
Other thoughts about how to make actual friends:
Be the kind of person you want to be around. Want to make new friends? Start by being open to them. Ditch the resting “don’t talk to me” face, make eye contact, and flash that smile—it’s like a welcome mat for connection. People are drawn to warmth, energy, and good vibes, so put those out into the world. It doesn’t mean you have to be extra—just be inviting. A little friendly eye contact, a nod, a “Hey, how’s it going?” can open the door to conversations that lead to real friendships. Bonus: Smiling makes you feel better too. Win-win!
Ditch the small talk, go for the good stuff. Nobody bonds over, “Wow, hot enough for ya?” If you want real friendships, start with real conversations. Ask open-ended questions that invite more than a one-word answer—“What brought you here?” or “What’s something you’re excited about lately?” is way better than another weather report. And here’s the secret sauce: be more interested than interesting. Listen like you actually care (because you do), ask follow-ups, and engage with genuine curiosity. People love feeling heard—it’s like a friendship superpower. Use it.
Putting it on the schedule. We should grab coffee sometime!” sounds nice, but let’s be real—sometime is code for never gonna happen. If you vibe with someone, make it real. Be direct: “Are you free next Tuesday for coffee?” or “Let’s hit that new wine bar on Friday—does that work for you?” People appreciate a little initiative, and let’s face it, we’re all busy. If you don’t nail down a plan, life will fill the gap with errands, emails, and “maybe laters.” So go for it—extend the invite, set the date, and make the friendship happen.
Be vulnerable. Real friendships require real conversations. If you’re always “fine,” you’ll only build surface-level connections. How to turn “how are you” into a great conversation:
- I’m doing great, thanks! Guess what happened today…
- Lately, I’ve been really excited about…
- I’m feeling adventurous. I just finished planning a trip…
- I’m on top of the world! I just achieved a major milestone…
- I’m doing well, thanks! What’s been the best part of your day or week?
Give before you take. Want rock-solid friendships? Be the kind of friend you would want. Show up—not just when it’s convenient, but when it counts. Cheer her on, check in just because, and be there when life throws her a curveball (or a celebratory champagne moment). Friendship isn’t about keeping score—it’s about showing up, being present, and giving a damn. Pour into the people who matter, and trust me, that goodness will come right back to you.
Step 5: Friendships are like houseplants – water them or they wither
Friendships don’t just happen—they need love, attention, and a little effort (kind of like that fiddle-leaf fig you keep forgetting to water). Here’s how to keep your friendships thriving:
Make plans—and actually keep them. Life is busy, we get it. But if you’re always saying “Let’s do lunch!” and never following through, those connections will fizzle. Put it on the calendar and show up. Read the article, “How to create a thriving friend group” for a creative way to build strong friendships and have a lot of fun.
Say the nice things out loud. Don’t just think “I love hanging out with her”—tell her! A simple “You always make my day better” or “I appreciate you” keeps friendships strong.
Be the friend who celebrates. Big wins, birthdays, or just surviving a rough week—cheer each other on! Friendship is about showing up for the good and the messy.
Know when to let go. If a friendship feels one-sided, draining, or just off, it’s okay to walk away. Protect your energy, wish them well, and make space for the people who truly lift you up.
Bottom line? Friendships need effort, but the right ones are absolutely worth it.
Overcoming Common Friendship Hurdles—Because We’ve All Been There
Making new friends as an adult isn’t always smooth sailing. In fact, it can feel downright awkward at times—like showing up to a party where you don’t know anyone and suddenly forgetting how to human. But guess what? You’re not alone. Here’s how to push past the common roadblocks and start building those real connections.
“What if I feel awkward?”
Oh, you mean like every single person ever when meeting someone new? Listen, everyone feels awkward at first—it’s just part of the deal. The trick? Push through it. Keep showing up, keep putting yourself in situations where friendships can happen, and before you know it, that awkward “uhhh so, do you like…stuff?” stage fades. And remember: most people are just as nervous as you are. They’re too busy worrying about their awkwardness to notice yours.
“What if I don’t have time?”
I get it—life is packed. Work, family, laundry piles that seem to multiply overnight. But here’s the thing: we make time for what matters. If you can carve out an hour for a Netflix binge, you can carve out an hour for coffee with a friend. Friendships, like self-care and exercise, need to be a priority. Schedule it like you would a doctor’s appointment. Protect that time, because connection is part of a healthy, thriving life.
“What if I get rejected?”
Oof. Rejection sucks—we’ve all felt it, whether it was in middle school, dating, or trying to join a new group as an adult. But here’s the truth: not everyone is going to be your people, and that’s okay. It’s not personal; it’s just chemistry. Keep putting yourself out there, because for every missed connection, there’s someone else out there looking for a friend exactly like you.
“What if I’m an introvert?”
Ah, my fellow introverts—we don’t hate people, we just need them in smaller, quieter doses. And that’s totally fine! You don’t have to dive into a loud, bustling women’s social group if that’s not your thing. Focus on one-on-one meetups, intimate book clubs, or slower-paced activities where deep conversation happens naturally. Friendship isn’t about collecting a hundred acquaintances—it’s about finding your people, even if that’s just a handful of really solid ones.
The Bottom Line? You’ve Got This.
Making new friends can feel like stepping into unknown territory, but don’t let that hold you back. Push through the awkward, make time for connection, don’t take rejection personally, and honor your own personality in the process. The friendships that are meant for you? They’re out there—you just have to take the first step.
How Silver Sage Collective Helps You Build Friendships
If you’re looking for a built-in women’s social group, Silver Sage Collective is your home base for meaningful connections, adventures, and fun. Here’s how we can help:
- Local and virtual meetups where you can connect with like-minded women.
- Small group travel experiences to explore the world and make lasting friendships.
- Digital resource to keep you inspired and engaged.
Your Next Step: Take Action
Making friends after 40 isn’t just possible—it’s essential for living a vibrant life. But here’s the thing: friendship won’t just happen to you—you have to make the first move.
Ready to find your people? Join Silver Sage Collective today and we’ll happily loop you into all the fun stuff with informative newsletters and special offers.